I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my shit smells like andre
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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