Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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