you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
