I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
