we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
