Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
