I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
