what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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