It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
