I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish you could order shots online.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's shark week go big or go home
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
