so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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