No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This toilet bowl is my home.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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