3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
