hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
