im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
