I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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