I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize