I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
