Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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