they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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