You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
