everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
