Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
