Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
