Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
