you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize