We're facebook friends in real life
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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