Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
