He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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