Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
