I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
