What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I want her autograph on my taint
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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