i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
