im holly from the hills drunk
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
