so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
