i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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