i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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