I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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