I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
