im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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