my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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