Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
