toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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