You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize