WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
