Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
