i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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