I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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