watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
