Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
