is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
