Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So much Jack, so little girl.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
