I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize