so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
