I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize