She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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