I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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