you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
