I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
