It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
