also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
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