Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
