I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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