I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
