Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
worst night to have a conscience
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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