Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize