the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
