all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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