Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Sext me about skeletons
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
