yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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