I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
