Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
