I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
