I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
