She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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