Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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