none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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