On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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