we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fill condoms, not promises.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
