he wants to bone in the snuggie
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
