I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i came on her dog
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
