i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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