U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize