my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
