Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
