I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
