"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
