Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
