the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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