I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize