I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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