There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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