a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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