The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
