BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
