There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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