My Higher Power is John Stamos
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
