life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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