After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
