omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
