so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
